I came to the realization that I had created 57 alters who helped me to cope with severe and prolonged trauma and abuse that began at the age of one year into adulthood. I was 49 years when I began hearing voices in my head and they all had different names. This was so disconcerting that it was happening to me at this time. I had just finished a three month program in house for me alcoholism, my abusive 23 year marriage to my husband and then my incest issues came into play. I had a therapist who worked with me and after I had finished the program I called him up and told him I thought I had many different personalities and they were all of different names and attitudes and ages. I was frightened but I knew I had to try to keep my head so to speak. I was in so much stress that my alters would keep switching and I never knew who was in control. I remained with my therapist for a year then I decided I was going to move clear across the country and make a new start. I knew in my heart that I would eventually write my Memoir simply because of al I had been through and because I knew there were many out there who were suffering like myself. I moved to a wonderful island called Mount Desert island and I settled down in Bar HARBOR BECAUSE I KNEW THIS WOULD BE A PERFECT PLACE TO WRITE MY MEMOIR. It took three years to write my manuscript. During that time and even before and after I kept working with different therapists who I thought would help me. During this time I was having suicidal ideations because of the pain that the other alters were starting to share with my alter who was created to get to know the alters and get hem all to appreciate and trust her. We never really wanted to die just for the horrendous pain to stop.
I have six dominant alters who are out more often then the others. I had created eight little ones who were between one year and six years of age. Then I had created others that were in a group of alters from the age of six and up to ten years. I had several teenage alters that helped during the school years in most anything I had to do during that time. Some of my alters have chapters of their own and some are of different nationalities and genders. I had a Spanish girl ,a French young lady, an English girl and a large Blackman who watched over the little ones. One of my men alters had a photographic memory with total recall. He did not like women because they were vulnerable. He took control when there was any professional things had to be accomplished. I had two very old alters who could hardly walk.
The work of integration was slow and painful for all involved but it had to be done for the good of myself. I used to think if I integrated I would be killing off my alters and I could not bare that. However, as time passed and other alters wanted to be of help to me in the fact that they were willing to integrate themselves for my benefit because they all came to love me and knew it was the best thing for them to do. Please understand his process took several years. My journey has been one of extreme growth and acceptance of many things that make up my history as one human being. I am thriving and learning many new things about myself.
I want to share my experience with the world in hopes that they may be helped in some way. I hope hat others may feel that they can share my story on my website and visit my blogs. this is my website www.dissociationofminds.com
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